I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
