His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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