I think I died a long time ago.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I woke up under a house in Key West
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