we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
