there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
