ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
