Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
