no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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