I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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