Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
