dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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