I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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