i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
