How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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