we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
