New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
