She said her name was "party"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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