Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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