i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
