I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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