I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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