walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
