I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
