He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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