Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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