So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize