is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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