oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
