there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
