we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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