Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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