I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
