After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Randomize