I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Terrible idea I love it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
