I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
