her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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