just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
