Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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