I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Jerry, you need to find god
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
