He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
