I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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