I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
