So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
