He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm really busy with my period
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