i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
