yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
