They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
