sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
