I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
