Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
