Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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