I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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