Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
