Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
