Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
