everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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