Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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