who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
