He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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