Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
