I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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