Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
