i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
