no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
