I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
