He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
is wine microwaveable?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize