To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
