exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
