ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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