Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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