I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize