I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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