standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
